3 Years later.

The Funeral.

Yesterday was his funeral. There were thousands of people. They filled the whole stake center...that included the the gym, the chapel and a bunch of rooms ... it was a huge funeral. they had reserved seats up in the chapel for his close friends and family, so i got a good seat. I didnt want to go to the veiwing because seeing Beans like that i thought would make me hysterical. I never thought I could do it.

My sister Jordyn talked me into it and told me I should go to the veiwing. Right when i got there i gave his dad, Rod, a huge hug. we cried and he told me how much he appriciated the video I had made and how much i meant to Beans. I tried to be strong in front of his family, I needed to be strong for Aniko. I finally got to the casket and he looked so handsome and peaceful! he looked so good. I stood there and tried to fight back the tears. Of course I couldn't. I'm so glad i got to see him one last time where he was so peaceful, so handsome. But when wasnt there a day he wasnt like that? Haha. Stephen (His oldest brother, 18 years old) did his biography and aniko and derrick did the tributes and brother scott gave a talk. it was an amazing funeral and im so glad i went!! i've never seen 1 person touch so many people by the way he acted. he touched everyone with his kind spirit and sense of humor .. he loved everyone so much!

i still don't understand why the most innocent kindest person had to leave us like this...the nights never seem to end and the days are as long as ever. I'm so alone. I really have no one else, I have alot of people supporting me. But I'm afraid to get close. I miss everything about you beans. about us. I love you!

Tragic Accident

I classified Chris Yokoyama (Beans) as my Brother. My Best Friend. My lover. My everything. we texted each other goodmorning, carried conversations through out the day at school and when it came night, we ended it with a "I love you"
Every morning i'd wake up and i'd have a text from beans saying Good Morning, and ask me if I needed a ride to schoo..

When i moved to taber, I only knew him and Matt Karl. Ihad a couple of girl friends but not really, mostly just Beans. Each day I went to my new school he'd make me feel so comfortable, he'd walk me to my classes, introduce me to the teachers, stop and talk to me in the hall when we didnt have classes together, we would even text DURING class :) ... When school was done, he'd call me up or text me and ask how my day was. He always invited me to hang out with their group, and with that i became friends with more people, and more...my life was actually starting to be great. I hated Raymond, and my life was actually getting normal and I could tell I would love it in Taber.

Beans and I had a super close bond. I'm sure there wasn't a day we didn't talk to each other, and if we didnt talk for a day, he'd immdietly text or call me up and tell me why he didn't reply, or call me back. When his family went to Hawaii, he messaged me on Facebook 2 days later and said he wanted to come home because he missed all of his friends so much! Funny, Wanting to come home from Hawaii to see your friends. That just shows how much Beans loved his friends.

Beans would help me when i was haveing the worst day. He wasn't the stuck up kind of guy, he was friends with EVERYONE.....the biggest 'loser' in our school was friends with Beans...he'd say hi to her/him in the hall..."HEYY!!" and give her a high 5! thats just how he was..with EVERYONE. he made everyone feel like HE was their best friend. i'm pretty sure, and all of you that know beans, that there was not one person in this whole entire world who would say anything mean about beans. ever. or hated him, or even wanted to beat him up. that would never happen....I was actually at a friends and we tried to think of someone who had negative feelings towards him. We couldn't even think of one person.

Beans and I always talked about how we'd get married in the Hawai temple....have guard LIONS guarding our house, have a aquarium in our master bedroom. We basically had our life planned out :) We never fought. And when we did, it was just because we were frusterated with each other about something little and dumb. (But that's how everyone gets when their super close with someone, right?) But we always made up that night and ended it with a hug and some chocolate milk!!! :)

We had way to much in common..when we were together, we'd always say the same things at the same times. we always laughed about it, and others would think that was totally weird! It wouldn't just happen with one sentence, but most of the time together we'd say the same things at the same time, and what not. It was awesome!! Beans was a little slow....and so was i :) so people would always mock us and say , "juuust imangine their kids!!!!" haha..we thought that was funny :) He always encourged me to go to seminary, and church..and just be the best person i could be:) .... highschool drama he was never involed in. Beans hated that, So not to be involved, he told me that him and i should wait to take our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend until after we both graduated. where we could be happy, and not have that normal highschool drama relationship..with others involved, etc etc... but we loved each other very much. cared for each other, and acted like we were a couple. most people got the hint, but Beans treated everyone with the same respect and never said a hurtful word to anyone, if he ever accidently did, he'd wave his hands in the air and pause and say 'no no no no no!! no!! not like that!! no way!! you rock!! i didnt mean that!!"

A couple days ago, Wednesday night, he called me up and told me he wanted me to dye his hair! i was like WHOOO HOOO YAA AWESOME!!!! and he said "wow!! it feels like christmas already!! :) :) :) " We always had thing thing where we would "pinky promise"......that night, he dyed his hair with reid..and he came home and texted me and told me he died his hair, of course i got a little upset..because he said i could do it..but knowing beans he said...."dont worry tho chels!!!! u can die it again tomorrow like planned!! it will be double dyed!" and i said was being stubborn and told him no. He wouldn't stop texting me and kept saying, "chels!!! there is! you trust me ok?? there are tons of colors we can choose from. trust me!!! :) I igorned him all that day, and thursday day too.............while i got looong texts and even calls from him, TRYING to say how sorry he was, i felt really bad....before Iwent to bed thursday night, i got a feeling that i should tell him that i loved him, because i haven't for a long time. I texted him up and i told him that i loved him - "beans im sorry for being upset. i was just excited. dont worry about it. i love you." he replied with, "chels!!!!! its ok!! im the one who should be sorry! i was deserved to be mad at!! ok!! so no worries!!".....i replied with a big smile, and said, "are you happy? cause i sure am!" and he said.."CHELSEE I AM sooo HAPPY!!!! yay!!...so!!.. i want to say this from the bottemest of my heart.. i love you so much! always and never forget that! i love so much!! and i freakin MISS you!!".........

We told each other goodnight, i fell asleep..and in the morning i felt so good. I went to text him goodmorning, but my phone wasnt working. i was like, ok, whatever, i'll get it to work later tonight.......later friday night came, and the first person I texted was beans..i said, "beans!!!! hey!! drive safe tonight ok!? promise me!! :) :) "
...I never got a reply....me and micaela decided to go to taber to walmart for sometthings....as we went we saw tons of police cars, ambulences, a huge semi rolled over, in the ditch right when u enter taber....i thought nothing of it, and was like "just imangine if that was beans! i would die!!" me and micaela both laughed..and said ya right that would never happen..so we went to taber, and i got a phone call from my brother... on micaelas cell phone, because i left mine in the car..."Chelsee.........beans got in a accident" i didnt belive it. i was like no, no he didnt..no..is he ok?? i started to cry a little..just my eyes started to water...then i hung up, and called derek evanson to see....Derek said Chris Evansan was rushed to the Calgary hospital..and darren was banged up...i sttill waiting for beans..."Derek...beans? what about beans? tell me now."...

it took derek awhile to reply. He didn't want to tell me. No one did. I was bawling at this point and I honestly could barely catch a breath to breathe. The words "Beans didn't make it" echoed in my head and all hell broke loose. I hung up the phone and me and micaela ran to my car and i could barely see straight. My head was acheing, My stomach felt so weak, I could barely see because of all the tears. I just sat in the car and cried and cried..picked up my phone and i had about 10 texts and tons of missed calls....calling me and telling me for me to go to the hospital because Beans died. It was blizzarding out and my told me not to drive, But how could I not? My best friend died. As I got there, All of Beanss closeest friends filled up the entry and all eyes faced towards me. It was horrible. I can't even remember who was all there. I ran to find raegan and i said "is it true? it isnt. stop it"....she hugged me SO tight and she was saying how he died...i kept telling her to tell the doctors to wake him up, that hes going to be ok...." i was bawling so hard....i never felt this kind of thing in my WHOLE life. We all stayed at the hospital for like a half hour...and i drove home doing 30 just crying to myself.......i got home, went to bed and didnt sleep..all i could do is think about how i was soooo mean to beans, by ignoring him, when all he could do was tell me how sorry he was. over the dumbest thing!!!! but i just ignored him.........and how maybe it was a sign for me to tell him right there that i loved him, (which i did) and i got a i love you too back from him....

It's been a few days since the accident and i've had so many support me .. i think i've been a little selfish and know that his family is going through a pretty rough time. Especially his other best friend, Aniko. (His sister) Of course i went over to aniko's and gave her a huge hug. she told me through her tears that beans was so sad (wednesday and thursday night) and that he loved me so much and he just wanted me happy .. we sat there just crying together .. i told her it's going to be ok, and that only the good die young, right? heavenly father needed him more then we did .. him and aniko were brother and sister, closest bond of brother and sister i've ever seen. He always talked about her. How sweet she was. How much he missed her when she went away on trips, young womens camp, or bball, or in utah, or anywhere for that matter, he told me how much he missed her ... i loved that so much about him, his family meant SO much to him ....

Beans i love you SO much....i dont know what im going to do with my life anymore. you were there to pick me up off the ground .. you were there when i just needed a friendly hello .. i miss your hugs. i miss your kind words. i miss our sillyness! i miss our heart to hearts ..... how can i go on?

Tell me, how are you suppose to be happy when the ONE thing in life that made you as happy as you could ever be, is gone...forever? I made him my everything. He WAS my everything, and now i'm left with nothing. I love you so much and think about you everyday. I try everyday to be the best person I could be and try not to judge, and live life to the fullest. I love you so much Beans!